Digital Breeze

I see myself at a shoreline, snowing, black boulders, crouched down mind blank. Snow landing on my shoulder, lips chapped, glasses fogged. Wind. Wondering where I am. When am I?

Pierre Huyghe, No Ghost Just a Shell , 1999

Things are at once looking good again...my back is feeling better, still has a slight twinge to it but overall almost back to abnormal. Yesterday was Easter, who cares? I don't. After the rain in the morning, the clouds parted and the warm Sun heated everything so nicely. I wanted to go out and run around, be active and sweat up a storm. Instead I sensibly went to the gym and rode the bike, then did lots of stretching for my back and booty on the floor. The day was relaxing, M and J prepared lots of food for eating, it was an anti-Jesus fest, foods in reference to his bloody death and bloody return(I guess?...or his hatching from an egg, who cares?). It was all tasty treats that molded my body into the shape of Buddha. We also had visits from V and M, just stopping by to say hi, we offered them food but they were on their merry way to other engagements. How dare they! Thankfully they did do their parts in polishing off some of the cupcakes that have been haunting our kitc...

I have ice on my butt. No really I do! Technically it's a frozen ice pack, but regardless I'm totes on ice. Recently I did a bit too much running around on the tennis courts, I may have stretched for a ball too far and tweaked something in my back area. I'm hoping it's just a muscle or nerve thing that is going to settle down after a few days of rest, it best not be something more serious, cuz then I'll get totes srs about this. It's my own fault, I should be more present when playing and remember to keep my level of intensity within an appropriate/manageable range. Not that I'm intense on the court, it's just easy to smack the shit out of the ball and go crazy. In addition, I need to understand the concept that a defensive shot is just that, defensive. It is not the time to go for broke and try to hit an out right winner, it ain't gonna happen ya slow poke. Well here's to hoping I recover in a timely manner. Work is work is work is wor...

Things I'm reinvesting time into in for 2011: Drawing/Painting Astronomy & Cosmology Camping Going Outside Working out Eating less sugar/fat Queer Theory Feminist Theory Understanding myself School has taken my attention away from the intellectual areas of study that I love, I hate slacking off and becoming stupid. I slip into these groves on the side of the road, pulled in from laziness. I need to right this ship.

Paul Thek, Warrior's Leg , 1966-67

What has passed is over. The time can never be gained. Everything passed by in a blur this weekend, the days fused with each other, the time is compressed and smashed together. I tell myself to stop and pause, but it never works. With everything being so busy, I've really been enjoying the time I get to play tennis with friends. It definitely helps to clear my head and get out any frustration I may have, smacking the shit out of the balls is my therapy. Over the five or so years I've been playing regularly, I think I'm playing my best in recent days. It's a lot of fun but requires so much concentration to be good at. I think that's what I enjoy about playing, forcing yourself to focus and not get distracted. There's so much to consider when just hitting a regular shot...where to stand, turning your shoulders, striking the ball at the right time, keeping your eye on the ball, following through with your stroke, and getting ready for the next shot. When yo...

Tron Legacy, film still , 2010 I still think about Tron Legacy , why?...Because it was such a strange film. I enjoyed the reflexivity between, the original film, the new film, and the gap in time within the movie. Plus the strangeness between Jeff Bridges of now, his old self in the original film, and his CGI impostor in the new film. Mindbender.

It's March already and time is flying by. Lately I find that myself not having time to just sit and process my thoughts. Between my boyfriend, job, random ass homework, tennis, and friends, there's no time left in the day to think! I do like to keep busy with work, school, and play, I am quickly finding out that I do have limits. Whenever I get that grapefruit sized knot in my throat, that feeling of dread, I know I'm over extending myself. I mean, how the hell do people have time for children?! I think I just get carried away with trying to do everything at once. I need to realize that tennis will still be there if I don't play today. Shitty movies will still be released even if I missed whatever god damn foreign film I'm obsessing about lately. But people, I think that's where my focus should lie. I think I'll sit and stew about this some more.

Glenn Brown, The Real Thing , 2000

I'm currently wasting away my free time listening to the Zombie Podcast called We're Alive ! Get into it people, it's so good!

Time to update again...it's been a few weeks now since I've written anything. The days keep flying by that I forget to sit still for a minute and type away at this. However today is a day that warrants pausing and reflecting on all that is...me. It's my birthday, time to rejoice and celebrate my existence! Ain't it great!? 32 years and still going strong. Since I last updated I've been busy with school, it's taking up all my time lately. No more Warcraft, no more Tennis 24/7, and dude you can put down those Star Trek novels, no time. I can't say that the workload for my classes has been that difficult or involving, it's just so sporadic and not uniform that I'm a bit frazzled with it all so far. Each class has podcasts to listen to, webcasts to watch, slideshows, testx, and readings. I keep worrying that I'm not doing all the assignments I should be doing. Perhaps I should be doing one now? Another big hunk of my time is this Internsh...

Wayne Thiebaud, Big Suckers , 1970-71

A gash in the ice. A slip in the mud. A crush of grass. A dent in water. A smash of snow. A shove of the sand. A crunch of rock. Being melted by lava. A splash of a puddle.

Changing names, changing titles, changing perspectives. I think messages and hormones in my brain have been on the fritz this past week. Work has been driving me a little crazy, directionless, motionless, lifeless. It could be that school has just begun and I don't have my bearings yet. Too many questions about how to do this, or where do I go for that, or oh shit when are my deadlines? Adjustment period. Period. I have a need for something colorful, some sweeping gesture, a motion of energy. Recorded on paper or in clay. I need a physical representation of my thoughts. Something to confront. An object to arrest.

It's that time of year again, break out the Kleenex because my head is under attack. Something must have gotten under my mucus membrane skin last night, my sinuses are going crazy today. Eyes watering, nose running, pressure headache....CHECK. I should have known better than to assume I could get away with enjoying this warm winter weather without having an attack...should have seen it coming. Hopefully this will pass quickly, as school started today, and I don't want to show up on the first day of my internship with draining fluids. Snot and rare book collection do not mix.

Edouard Manet, A Bar at the Folies Bergere , 1882

Back and on the attack, it's Monday! The weekend slowly crept in on Friday and began the long crawl to Sunday, it was amazing. It's been a long time since I've had such a slow and relaxing time, I soaked it all in and tried to appreciate the rich molasses passing of seconds/minutes/hours. Much time was spent on the couch watching endless matches of the Australian Open (*see previous posts). We also ran a few errands around the city, I did some light reading, and we hung out with friends like it was going out of style. Maybe what struck me was how pleasant the weather was, laying on the couch with the warm breeze and the light easing in through the blinds. Winter ain't that bad in Southern California. It's important to absorb all of these moments before school starts on Wednesday. I'm looking forward to getting all of my classes and my internship underway, every week that passes brings me closer to my goal of graduating.

Monica Majoli, Rubberman #2 , 2007

When people start getting real...the real world: Phillip. I'm admitting my addiction, it ain't pretty I'll admit. Yes things might be a little out of control and maybe I can't stop. I'm not hurting anyone but myself, I refuse to feel bad about my dark, dark.....yellow secret. Okay I'm addicted to watching the Australian Open Tennis tournament on TV. I can't stop! I love tennis! This years tournament, while only five days old has already had many highlights, low-lights, and hysterical moments. Can we please talk about Radwanska and her racquet snapping in half? How the eff does this even happen? The look on her face was priceless while she was still clutching onto the racquet. Gurl just drop it already, you are a freak and so is your busted racquet, so walk your Polish ass over to yo' bag and grab a new one, cuz I know you have like 5 extras, being a fancy ass pro tennis player and all. This year it's anyone's game on the women's...

a still image from Isaac Julien's The Attendant , 1993

School begins next week, as does my internship, all's well that ends well...goodbye winter break, how I loved thee. Time to dust off my notebooks, charge up my Kindle, and prepare my autonomic nervous system for increased stress levels. I'm not exactly anticipating that crazy of a course load, my classes are pretty specific and should not require too much writing. I hope to hell that I'm not jinxing myself, but I suspect that the work will be more technical and straight forward. One class is about Preservation Management, dealing with different issues in book preservation and conservation. We get to do cool exercises like dip a book in water and figure out how to rescue it...and I don't mean with a life raft or floaty, I mean how to get the water out of the book and back in working condition. The second class I'm taking is on Encoded Archival Description (EAD), which is an XML encoding system for archival finding aids. This class could potentially drive me ba...

David Hockney, Peter Getting Out of Nick's Pool, 1966

It's been a good break these past couple of weeks off. I've managed to finish reading three Star Trek: Voyager books. Here's a quick rundown of each of them: Book 1: Caretaker This was a rehashing of the first episode in the series. Not too different from the it's television counterpart, a bit more in-depth in the beginning of the story. The Voyager is about to undertake a trip to track down the Maquis renegades when the entire ship is kidnapped and taken across the universe...thus beginning the entire series. You learn about Paris and his imprisonment, and just how he betrayed the Maquis. I must admit I was a bit choked up by the end of the story, damn that Janeway! Book 2: The Escape The second book sees Voyager well on their way heading back to the Alpha quadrant. As supplies are running low, they discover a planet rich with metal resources their ship desperately needs. Janeway makes the decision send a team down to investigate the seemingly abandoned planet...

R E C E P T I V I T Y

These days keep rushing by. This is supposed to be my time off before school starts again. It keeps flying past me. My time is fleeting, I can never hold on to it. I keep getting older, my hands and body feel colder. I want everything to pass extremely slow, to stop, to freeze. I want to touch, to feel, to pull things close to me. How can I be still? When it rains everything becomes clear, everything new again. It all feels different than it used to, foreign, not good or bad, just new. Can I snap my perspective back into existence? Image: Brancusi - Sleeping

I was driving home the other day, just from driving around the city, thinking about stuff...that bizarre moment when you think about yourself in the third person. I was just reflecting on things I do, good, bad, somewhere in the middle behaviors, and since it was around New Years I was trying to focus on positive ideas and thoughts, forward thinking. And then...streaming over my phone on Pandora radio to my car stereo comes...Aimee Mann's Wise up from the Magnolia soundtrack. Thanks Aimee, your lyrics ruined my train of thought and slammed me back into the mud. Of course it just made me laugh...silly lyrics....but Aimee still insisted "...it's not going to stop...you're sure...there's a cure...so just give up" Okay Aimee, alright already. After a moment lapse I concluded that Aimee's songs are a bit overly dramatic, but that I still love her and shouldn't take her songs personally. Bitch don't ruin my buzz. Speaking of music, Adele's R...

Welcome to my 2011 bitches, yes that's right, all your years are mine. Well some of them at least, okay fine, can I just have everyone's January? Yes! All of your Januarys are mine. Which means nothing exactly, well other than giving me a temporary feeling of power and dominance. Ahhh back to reality. Speaking of which has been quite busy of late, the holidays came and went, parties happened, money was spent, and I ate, ate, ate zillions of cookies in the process. All around my break from work was nice, I think I clocked in over 200 hours sitting on the couch watching the Housewives of Atlanta...yes I love Kim...and her wig. They're contagious! No really, I think I'm developing a rash...on my eyes. Though much of my time was spent reclining around the house, I did get done a few things that were on my list. I managed to meet with the Archivist at the One National Gay & Lesbian Archive , I went in ready to make my case for interning there, however he inste...